What this quiz measures
Emotional availability is a broad everyday phrase, not one measured trait. People may use it for someone who feels little, shares little, misses another person's cues, avoids dependence, or simply communicates care in a quieter way. Those are different patterns. These questions examine six narrower tendencies around felt depth, approach, concern for others, giving, social self-awareness, and positive expression. The result can show where the distance sits between an inner response and what another person can actually see.
Start by separating privacy from absence. You may feel strongly and choose few words. You may speak openly about events while keeping needs hidden. You may offer practical help that a partner does not recognise as comfort. None of those patterns automatically means that care is missing. The useful question is whether important people can reliably know what you feel, what you need, and how their experience affects you. Intention matters, but relationships also run on signals another person can receive.
Compare several relationships before accepting a global label. If openness appears with friends but vanishes in romance, the setting changes the cost. If expression is limited everywhere, you may rely on action more than words or need longer to identify a response. Ask someone you trust for one recent example rather than a verdict. What did they need to know, what did you show, and what would have made the moment clearer? Specific feedback gives you something to practise without turning one habit into your identity.
The six things it looks at
The six measured parts cover depth of feeling, ease approaching others, sensitivity to their experience, readiness to give, awareness of social judgement, and visible positive feeling. Their gaps may matter as much as their overall level.
Emotionality
Access to your own feelings, and how far you treat them as information worth having.
Most people score between 12 and 19 out of 20.
- Experience my emotions intensely.
- Feel others' emotions.
- Rarely notice my emotional reactions.
- Don't understand people who get emotional.
Friendliness
How quickly you warm to people and let them get close.
Most people score between 9 and 18 out of 20.
- Make friends easily.
- Feel comfortable around people.
- Avoid contacts with others.
- Keep others at a distance.
Sympathy
Tender-mindedness — how far other people's hardship registers as your problem too.
Most people score between 11 and 19 out of 20.
- Sympathize with the homeless.
- Feel sympathy for those who are worse off than myself.
- Am not interested in other people's problems.
- Try not to think about the needy.
Altruism
How rewarding you find helping, and how much other people's welfare shapes your day.
Most people score between 13 and 20 out of 20.
- Am concerned about others.
- Love to help others.
- Am indifferent to the feelings of others.
- Take no time for others.
Self-Consciousness
Sensitivity to being watched and judged, so ordinary social situations can feel exposing.
Most people score between 7 and 17 out of 20.
- Find it difficult to approach others.
- Am afraid to draw attention to myself.
- Only feel comfortable with friends.
- Am not bothered by difficult social situations.
Cheerfulness
How readily good feeling shows up — the joy end of extraversion, not politeness.
Most people score between 10 and 19 out of 20.
- Radiate joy.
- Have a lot of fun.
- Love life.
- Look at the bright side of life.
What this is built on
Defaults runs on the IPIP-NEO-120, a public-domain 120-item Big Five inventory developed by Dr John A. Johnson. Each short quiz uses 24 of its actual items, word for word, and scores them against Johnson's published adult norm tables rather than rescaled against your own answers. The same 24 count toward the full 120.
The inventory offers a structured description of broad tendencies. It cannot observe a conversation, infer a hidden motive, or decide what another person meant when they used this label.
- Johnson, J. A. (2014). Measuring thirty facets of the Five Factor Model with a 120-item public-domain inventory. Journal of Research in Personality, 51, 78-89. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2014.05.003
- International Personality Item Pool. https://ipip.ori.org/
Common questions
Does being private mean I am unavailable?
No. Privacy is a choice about access. The practical question is whether people close to you receive enough clear information to relate to you honestly. You can keep parts of your inner life private while still naming needs, limits, affection, and the effect of important events.
What if I show care by doing things?
Actions can communicate care clearly, especially when the other person understands them that way. Trouble starts when your signal and their reading never meet. Ask what helps them recognise care, and explain what your actions mean to you. Translation may solve more than increased intensity.
Why am I open with friends but distant in dating?
The stakes, expectations, and forms of reliance differ. Dating may make judgement or future obligation feel more immediate, while friendship has familiar rules. The contrast shows that you have access to openness. Study the condition that changes rather than treating distance as fixed.
What can I practise after this quiz?
Pick one recent moment and add one clear sentence: what you felt, what you needed, or what the other person's action meant to you. Keep it factual and brief. Repeated small disclosures are easier to evaluate than a promise to become a completely different communicator.